Things I will do differently in my next relationship

1. I will leave when I first think of leaving instead of sticking in for years and making it complicated
   
   
2. I will be myself and do what I like
   
   
3. Be Happy
   
   
4. I will not get so close to their friends; so that I don't lose my closest friends and my relationship all at once
   
   
5. I will not give them my passwords/ pin number resulting in me having to change everything and forget my passwords
   
   
6. I will not get so close to their family that I am breaking up with them too
   
   
7. I will probably fail and do all of the above because that's what you do when you are crazy in love.
   

Day Ten: One confession

1. I am in the process of reinventing/ ending a three year relationship which is why I took this ten day challenge in the first place. I honestly don't feel like it helped me sort out anything on little bit.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

1. :D
   
   
2. :S

I am simultaneously really happy, yes sadly confused. I don't think I've worked out anything.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

This is easy; I have some idea of what turns me on. These don't necessarily come across the same in every person, and just because someone has these traits doesn't mean I'll be turned on by them; but if you don't have these I most likely won't be turned on by you (unless we have amazing raw sexual magnetism together)

1. A similar sense of humor
   
   
2. A similar level of intelligence/ line of thinking (The ability to have good banter is now a must for me)
   
   
3. An intoxicating smell (and let's get down to biology; if I don't like your smell we are too similarly matched genetically; if I am infatuated with your smell we are biological opposites which do in fact attract)
   

is it just me...

or is tumblr mainly a bunch of pro-ana blogs?

Maybe it's only the ones that I stumble across but the amount of pro-anorexic blogs I see on there makes me want to stick to my blogger with my 3 followers.

Just saying.

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Now this is easy

1. Smoking/ drug or excessive alcohol use (basically any unnatural altered state of consciousness)
   
   
2. Abusiveness (That is controlling one through your words, influence, actions and violence)
   
   
3. Stupidity/ unintelligibly
   
   
4. Immaturity (as opposed to being fun)
   

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

There are more than six people that mean A LOT to me; it's very hard to choose. And you say no particular order but obviously the person I thought of first is the one that means the most to me; but I won't write it down in that order.

1. Zoe
   
2. Cameron
   
3. Fiona
   
4. Ben
   
5. Chris
   
6. Nana
   

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Most days I would say that I have no regrets, that everything I have done or had done to me has shaped me into this person I am today. Of course there is always the test bias that says I cannot know, had I have not done these things I 'wish I'd never', that my life would in fact be better; it could easily be worse or maybe even just the same. There are times when I am down and have regrets then, but in the harsh light of morning they all go away.

1. Ending some relationships the way I did
   
   
2. Giving up in year 12 and not studying
   
   
3. Staying in bad situations when I should have walked away
   
   
4. Going on hormone treatment
   
   
5. Not doing what I want to do for so long
   
   
6. Hurting you
   

Some of these are what I'm working on and changing. But all of these are what made me the me that I am today.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot

I missed a day, but i suppose it didn't say day four was the 4th day in a sequence it was just Day 4 of posting.

I spend a lot of time thinking about really random things. Such as, how does facebook now recognise peoples faces when you tag places. The things that probably cross my mind the most...

1. My weight
2. How things work
3. The universe
4. Certain people
5. Certain events from the past
6. Things I want to do
7. Studying overseas

Thigh Highs and suspender belts

I have a sudden love for thigh highs and suspender belts. I know that the invention of the panty-hoes was suppose to be this amazing moment in woman's history and the only people that wear thigh highs and suspender belts are hookers and the elderly but they are just so much more comfortable and easier to wear.

Don't you think?

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Well this is difficult again. I think it is pretty hard to win my heart, not many people have managed this and it always happens when you least expect it with the less expected person. Just because a person has or doesn't have 8 qualities does not mean they will get my heart. A series of random events, many more than 8 and many more than we are even aware of, is what lets someone win your heart. Even if events lead you together, the time may not be right. It all gets very complicated. Let's do it anyway though, just for shits and giggles

1. Be intelligent and passionate
   
   
2. Make me laugh
   
   
3. Make me smile when I think of you randomly throughout the day
   
   
4. Remember things and get to know me
   
   
5. Have an irresistible smell that lingers in my hair/clothes/sheets for days leading to number 3
   
   
6. Be honest and open
   
   
7. Be responsive to text/ calls/ emails
   
   
8. Be yourself.
   

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Nine things about me...

1. I'm 21
   
   
2. I'm studying IT and working full time at IBM
   
   
3. I'm confused as hell at a lot of things in my life at the moment
   
   
4. I want to run away and travel the world, but I'm too scared to take the first leap.
   
   
5. I used to be very, very underweight but now I'm fat and trying to get back to a healthy middle
   
   
6. I'm not sure I am a good person anymore
   
   
7. I've been really sick the past year (1 year and 9 days since I got sick) and am still not 100% recovered
   
   
8. Sometimes I prefer to spend time with animals than people
   
   
9. I'm trying to become the best version of me that I can be
   

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Usually I just try to say what is on my mind to people anyway; but here goes nothing.

I've sat here for a few minutes with the number 1 on my screen; maybe I'm not brave enough to name names.

1. You have a problem with alcohol; you need to get help; even randoms asked me about it
   
   
2. You have a problem with food; you need to get help; people asked me about it
   
   
3. You have been incredibly helpful but it's not making my decisions any easier
   
   
4. I will miss you (This could actually be said to a lot of different people)
   
   
5. I'm sorry (ditto above)
   
   
6. This isn't who you are
   
   
7. You getting involved in my business doesn't help; it actually makes it harder
   
   
8. Don't judge me when you don't know the full story.
   
   
9. I hate you for what you did to me and I will never, ever forgive you
   
   
10. You make my day brighter and bring my smile back
    

Ten Day Challenge

You may have seen this challenge going around on blogs that you follow and I've decided that I need to do this for me. I've found that I'm not the person I used to be, nor the person I thought I would ever be. I'm still me but I'm trying to take some time out, reassess and become a better version of me. I think I'll even start today.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

My past few blogs have been a bit downer, which is totally not like my usual style. But hey even the most unemotional of us can get down some times.

On the weekend, following suit to this hung parliament business the AFL Footy Grand Final was a draw. And when it is a draw we don't go into overtime. They come back and do it ALL AGAIN the next week. So we didn't have a government for a while and we don't have a premiership winner when there is meant to be one.

I made a bet on the election which just got paid out because of this mix up, and I considered putting a bet on a draw. I thought that would be stupid and didn't "waste" my money. I potentially would have made a LOT of money because the odds were so, so low. I guess I can't kick myself for something that I never had.

I have a few bets with friends riding on this match and it's very annoying I have to wait another week for my pay out (because obviously the saints will win) It actually really stuffed things up because had we lost I would have gone shopping this Saturday for alcohol for my birthday. But now I can't because we won't know the winner til about 5:30pm Saturday night and I don't want to buy some if i'm going to be winning some!

If the Saints lose, I am leaving the country, along with everyone that's not a feral magpies supporter.

I Wish

I wish I wasn't so scared of this.

I wish you were more understanding of this.

I wish we hadn't met until we were 25, and weren't going through this.

I wish I didn't know you existed, until I was ready for this.

I Miss

I miss the way I used to be.

I miss the way you used to be.

I miss the way we used to be.

I wish I was still me.

I wish you were still you.

I wish I didn't hate you.

I wish I were different.

I wish you were different.

Then I wouldn't hate you, and you wouldn't hate me.

I wish I wasn't repeating the same again.

It's a different me.

It's a different you.

It's the same us.

Democracy Fail

I think I mentioned a few posts ago that we had an election, that was a complete fail, and we had no parliament for weeks. We now have a government, which I suppose is a good thing, but I feel completely gibed of democracy.

In Australia it is compulsory to vote. Some question the validity of a democracy where you are forced to vote, I question to validity of a country where not every adult has had a say. If you can't be bother to go and vote, you don't know who is choosing for you and you end up with a horrible president that the masses complain about who was voted in by a select few. How is that democracy?

On election day, which is ONE day, not different days for different states (again this just makes sense to me) you head down to the local Primary School, Childcare Centre, Church or Hall that is a polling booth and get your name crossed of the electral role. It is pretty easy to go to different polling booths and say that No I haven't voted at another venue in my electric or go and absentee vote (so yes I see the democracy fail there). They don't even check your ID so it is possible to go and vote for someone else whose name, address DOB you can recite if questioned (Just like memorizing the details of your fake ID). Surly it is time to have some kind of real time computer system to curb this problem.

What happened this year is a huge mass of people decided to donkey vote. Either filling out the forms incorrectly or adding "funny" boxes to the ballot like "Kevin Rudd" who is out outed previous PM (overthrown by some backstabbing ranga from his own party....who has the same policies but will somehow be a better leader) or "Bart Simpson".

Because of these people we had no government for a while. One party did receive more votes but they would not give them the power, they allowed independents to choose sides and form the government. Through this process we have a government. This was not the government that the majority of the people wanted, effectively TWO PEOPLE voted in the election. This is a complete democracy fail!!

The 4 phases of Costume Parties

Costume parties are a great idea in theory; much like communism and love. But in reality they don't work. I've identified the 4 phased of a costume party.

Phase 1: Excitement
You receive the invite and are excited about all the possibilities of what you can wear, and who will go as what. Your brain gets flooded with ideas.

Phase 2: Stress
You soon realize that a costume will cost money. And you don't want to spend $80 on something you will only wear once and return.
You start thinking that you are not tall/ short, skinny/ fat, blond/ brunette, tan/pale enough to go as your chosen character and don't want to look stupid. You begin to stress because something that seemed to have many possibilities now only has a few that are feasible for you to pull off.

Phase 3: The Choice
You decide on a costume and either buy it or make something yourself.
If you've made a costume you discover that the raw materials, time and effort have actually cost you more than hiring a costume would have. You become stressed and angry that the costume isn't turning out the way you wanted because you forgot you have no talent, and have no idea why you thought that you did.

Phase 4: The Party
Someone else at the party is wearing the same thing as you and looks better. You feel like an idiot. You drink lots and have an awesome time.
You remember that so and so's costume party was loads of fun and the next time someone has one the cycle begins again.

I think if I have to buy/ make a costume for your party, you get a crappier present than you would have otherwise : )

Boo Hoo

Aw I lost a follower today. Clearly they are anorexic and I offended them. Or thought that I was a pro Ana blog and that last post made it blatantly obvious to them that I was not.

"Pro Ana" Blogs

People are morons.

I've spoken about how a psychologist has told someone who used to starved themselves obese. Now that is dumb.

I don't understand how people training to be councilors can have pro ana blogs. And put their name and email address up there. Any one going to hire you for a job will google you in this day and age and think hmmm maybe we don't one someone fucked up to fuck up our pupils more.

Also looking at "tips" for how to avoid people knowing you haven't been eating. Your tips are shit. I've gone through that myself, and I'm not going to give anyone else tips, but what I came up with was much more intelligent than your ideas. Such a shame you didn't have a brain to begin with and now you are ruining it even more.

Your idols are people that had eating disorders and went to a facility for treatment. I'm sure they would tell you exactly the same thing I feel, that what you are been with these blogs are been idiots. Have fun when you're underweight, growing hair on your arms/ hands while your body tries to insulate, been left unable to have children, feeling miserable and terrified of food, unable to eat or go out into social situations where food are involve and over all looking horrible. All because you went onto a website and did this to yourself.

Maybe I will go write a website with details on how to get aids if you people love trying to get illnesses so much.

Things I have learnt from my mother part 2

A long time ago I posted things my mother has taught me. Let's continue with what else she has taught me, and why you should be surprised I'm this normal.

Gay people who have kids aren't really parents
So she is very against gay couples, it's wrong, unnatural etc. I do not agree with her one little bit on this, and if I had of been gay I would be so far in the closet and have a mental break down from all the emotional trauma.
Luckily I am not gay so she hasn't sent me off to one of those straight camps where they beat and pray the gay out of you.
There has been a lot of debate in the media lately about gay couples adopting and if it's the right thing to do. Yes these kids may be messed up but hey who isn't? Isn't parenthood about taking a beautiful, innocent baby and fucking them up in as many ways as possible? Or is that just my parents? Then there is the debate that single parents are doing the wrong thing because there is no male influence in the childs life, is that a valid argument against lesbian parents? Who knows.
I guess you just let it happen and see if the kids are messed up.
But mum's debate is some what different. Her view is that even if it's not adoption, even if it is one of the members egg or sperm it's not really their child. Well genetically is 100% is their child!! 50% of it's DNA is there's meaning THEY ARE THE PARENT. If that came up on Maurie he would be saying "YOU ARE THE FATHER"
What makes this even more stupid, is that she thinks that children who are adopted are 100% their adoptive parents. yes they are, legally, emotionally everything that is your parent, but how can you say that DNA doens't count if they are gay?

Potatoe Gems are healthier than potatoe
I've been eating really healthily lately and try to limit my carbs. But I decided to have potatoes one night. I was going to cook them in the pan with a tiny, tiny bit of oil. Mum told me that it was unhealthy. That I should have potatoe gems instead.
Yes I am sure that DEEP FRIED potatoe gems are healthier than eating potatoe with a little canola oil. This woman clearly has NO brain.

Understand my rage now?

Dudeist Priest

I am not religious in case you hadn't noticed. Not religious at all.
The other day I was so incredibly bored and out of things to do that I decided to become a dudeist priest. I can now precede over your wedding, funeral or any other special ceremony. I'm not really into the whole marriage thing, but like Barney Stinson, I do like the idea what when I ask a question you think to answer "I do". Let's see if this absolute power corrupts.

This got me thinking that a bored person and the Internet is a dangerous combination.
Massive amounts of information is at our finger tips and I can find out a hell of a lot without much effort. From pro anorexic sites to how to build a bomb, everything is readily available to us.

I suppose the world should be thankful that all I can do is marry people. If anyone has any task/ ideas of how to fill my time that would be great, I will almost do anything at this point...otherwise the next step is bomb building.

Accidental Innuendo

"That's what he said". If you've ever utter the previous sentence to something seemingly nonsexual you may have been accused of having a one track mine

Sometimes it's harder than you think to be dirty and line up a good sexual innuendo line. Like the Todd from Scrubs it would involved hiding behind a wall waiting for something to be said.

Over the weekend we had a federal election. In Australia it is the law to vote and there needs to be a majority winner. This has been the closest election in decades and there is no clear majority so smaller parties are in negotiations to join other parties to form a majority government. At the moment we have no clear winner and have a hung parliament. Since the election was too close to call they were recounting some of the electorates. One of these that were in doubt was Boner.

Sometimes you might not have a one track mind or be waiting in suspense but the universe leaves you no choice but to see it that way.

I am alive

I haven't updated this for ages and ages because I've been super busy but I am actually still alive.

How sad is it though that you may have a 'friend' on a social networking site or follow someones writings and you wouldn't even know that they have died?

That's a bit morbid.
But I am in a morbid mood today.

For the past few months (about when I stopped posting) I've been dealing with a women-child. You know those people who are meant to be grown ups, should have their lives together but don't. So they come and live with mummy and daddy. Lean on them for financial and emotional support and just basically take them for granted?
One of these has invaded my house!

The women-child is worse than the man child. The women child becomes exponentially desperate at the increasingly loud tick of her biological clock.
*tick* So I haven't been in a relationship for 12 years there's still hope...
*tock* I'll try speed dating
*tick* hmm still no dates...
*tock* 2007 is my year to find a man! I'll try internet dating
*tick* hmmm STILL no dates...
*tock* I'm so scared of ending up alone and childless

Living with this kind of person is probably a lot like hell. Especially when not only are they bossing everyone else around and bleeding senior citizen parents dry but searching for a job because they are inapt at all aspects of life.

Qualities that do not look good on a resume:
-Taking 10 years to finish a 4 year course; clearly you failed a lot of subjects and are not a hard worker.
-Having no experience for the jobs you are going for.
-Having lots of different jobs because you can't hold one down.
-Large gaps of time between said jobs.
-Horrible references because you are a cry baby, hypochondriac who calls in sick all the time, even in your second week on the job.

This said person is actually a psychologist. No one wants to see a psychologist who clearly does not have their own life together!

Obviously you're not very good at your job when you tell someone who actually has a lower BMI than yourself (oh yes, she's fat too, I wonder why she can't find a man?) that they are obese and need to loose weight.
Did I mention that this "obese" person used to starve themselves for years and was 10kg underweight? Common sense would dictate do no call someone who had an eating disorder obese and yell at them telling them how fat they are. Common sense says do not call someone who is skinnier than you obese because what are you saying about yourself? You think a psychologist of all people would understand this. Obviously this is why she couldn't find a job she's worse at it than some random off the street.

Hopefully she was soon wake up and move out of mummy and daddy's and live a nice life, alone with her 1 remaining egg.

Exercise Allergies

Is anyone else allergic to exercise? You probably don't think that it's possible but I'm pretty sure that my body is allergic to exercise and will do almost anything to get out of it.

I mean my body not me. It's not like I'm been too lazy and just sitting on the couch going oh well allergic to exercise, pass more turtle burgers

I stopped playing squash because of exams and my body decided Hey I like not having to move and do stuff so then when I decided to try and get back into it my body thought noooooo and sent me the plague or something.

10 blood tests, 15 doctors visits, 1 xray, 1 ultrasound and 1 trip to the neurologist later there is 'nothing' wrong with me other than the fact I have lost a few thousand dollars on medical bills.

At this point (after 7 months) my body must have thought I guess she's learnt her lesson and let me start to get better.

The past week went like this for me:

Monday: Oh I'm feeling better I can get back into exercise. I ran on the treadmill, did some floor work and lots of stretches.

Tuesday: I'm getting a cold. I'll still go on the treadmill but don't do the floor work because I don't want to over do it.

My body thought I'm slowly wearing her down

Wednesday: Run on the treadmill, hardly any stretches because not feeling great.

4am Thursday YOU DIDN'T LEARN YOUR LESSON, WRATH MY FURY
This is where the worst case of gastro EVER occur. I will not give you details are it was so horrific, literally like a scene from a horror movie. Attack of the Spew.

I got over this (kind of.. I'm still not eating proper foods just bland but sustainable things like bread and potatoes) and my body thought Just to be sure... and gave me a cold.

Thank you body.

But you know what Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Treadmill. Thursday, Friday throwing up horribly and not eating, Satday-?(Not sure when, if ever, I will return to my normal eating habits) limited food = weight loss.

Me-1 Body-90579475

If I were Elin Woods

Cameron knows that if he ever even thought about cheating on me I would absolutley kill him. I'm talking stabbing him prision style 7 times in the back and then gutting him like a fish and cutting off any appendages that take my fancy.

If he cheated on me I would not even consider taking him back for a second (mainly because he would be disfigured from been stabbed, gutted like a fish and missing appendages that would take my fancy in a relationship).

I especially wouldn't take him back if he slept with 58 other women!

If I was Elin I would have an interesting trophy of my own. One that I would describe to the kids as "Daddy's Rocket Shaped Trophy that he gave to mummy...and 58other women..."



That would take the Wood out of Tiger.

I think if she does decide to stay with him, there is one way to guarentee that we will never cheat on her again.

Move to Dubai.

Even if he does cheat again adultery in Dubai is illegal, meaning she would reap all the rewards of his money while he spent the rest of his life in jail for consecutive sentances. It is also illegal to stare at or touch unknown women so there are so more offenses there. It is illegal to drive with ANY alcohol in your blood so the sentances just keep coming.
Although Elin better watch out too as it is illegal to leave the scene of a traffic accident which probably includes smashing a car with a golf club.

Things my mother has taught me pt 1.

I do not get along with my mother. At all. I know it's Mothers Day and I should be thanking her for life, raising me, looking after me etc etc. I'm grateful for that stuff. But if my mother was someone my age she would be my arch nemesis. We just do not get along. And you probably will feel the same after you read things she has taught me.

I do not accept any responsibility for the views and opinions I am about to post as they are NOT mine at all.

If there is no proof of something, it must exist
My mother is a Christian. Fine. Believe what you want. But she has been forcing it on me for 20 years so I now just fight back with logic.
"Hey Mum, I'm pregnant but Cameron and I didn't have sex it's just magic"
"Hey Mum, They couldn't find proof that an ether existed so obviously it does!"
"Hey Mum, if Jesus really could perform miracles why was he such an ass and only cured ONE blind man?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam had no mother did he have a belly button?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam was created by God doesn't that mean God IS a women? Or in the very least gay men CAN have children?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam and Eve had kids and they populated the world. That's like incest. If that why people are so retarded and believe in the story?"
"Hey Mum, if Noah's Arc was real, what happened to all of the salt water animals? The flood would have been fresh water and i doubt he had the forethought of building an aquarium and an arc. Surely they could not have evolved, since that doesn't exist, after 'the flood'"?

You're not skinny enough...yet
I was a chubby kid. I started loosing weight in year 5 but was still a little bit big. I remember wanted to wear a top to a school dance and mum's words were "You're not skinny enough...yet".
If you want to give your child an eating disorder this is the sentence to tell them. That they aren't skinny enough YET. Meaning that they will and must in fact get skinny enough.

You're too skinny
Pretty much after that comment in year 5 I stopped eating. I only ate the smallest amount of dinner and that was my daily food. I came up with awesome strategies for skipping food, getting through the day and making it look like I had eaten, but I'm not writing them here because I am not a pro-anorexic blog.
So the weight fell off. I was sickly skinny. Straight up and down skin and bones.
Now my mother told me that I was too skinny, that I was hideous, that no man would ever want me.
That's nice. You told me I was too fat. So I lost weight. Then you told me how ugly I looked. That's going to promote healthy body image.
After a while I started to eat and gained some weight and became healthy. I was still flat chested but I was looked good. I was skinny but not too skinny anymore.
Mum then started to tell me that I needed to get boobs. (What from a store?) I was happy with my body (for the first time in years) and said that. Apparently my opinion that I was happy with what I had was wrong; "No, you want boobs. You'll look better."

Boobs don't suit you, you need to loose weight
I hit puberty at 19 when I went onto the pill. I think that this was because previously my body had no hormones and then it fell in love with them and realized it could produce them itself it went on a bender for 2 years.
I gained a lot of weight. I got boobs.
Then Mum would tell me that "boobs don't suit you, it just looks so weird, you need to loose weight."
This woman is the worst mother ever! What kind of mother tells a CHILD they are fat, then when they loose weight that they are too skinny and ugly, then when they gain it that they are too fat again! What the fuck does she want?!
I eventually told her that I was on hormone treatment and that's why I got fat. That I can't do anything about it because no matter how much I have been exercising and healthy I haven't been able to loose it. She shut up about telling me every day how fat I was.
I think I should point out that I was 10kg under weight. Then when I weighed 60kg (I'm tall) she told me I was too skinny. Now that I have gained weight from the hormones (which I went off on Saturday so I should loose the weight) she tells me that I should weigh 60kg!
Also my other sister who weights FAR MORE than that has never been told to loose weight because she has always been fat. That's ok if you are always fat but apparently its a crime to be skinny and then get fat!

So, do you see why I don't get along with a crazy catholic, confidence eating women??
More to come

When is a body in a boot not suspicious

First off just to specify boot= trunk...

I don't live in a great area. Madly saving to move closer to the city so even if there's still some messed up people are around there is police presence to assist you! Seriously my suburb doesn't have a police station and it really, really needs one.

A body was found in a boot the other day in front of the grey hound track... and police are "Treating as suspicious". I can pretty much assure you that it defiantly IS suspicious.

No one ever thinks "Maybe I'll just lock myself in the boot for some fun"


No one in the history of the universe is that dumb.

Word is pissing me off!

Dear spelling and grammar check,
I like you most of the time. Although sometimes you fail to do your job.
I am writing in English and I happen to be in Australia which means that words like coloUr and favoUrite need to have a U in them. I have set you to English(Australia) but you seem to forget about this all convert back to American all the time. And sometimes just to piss me off you turn to French for no good reason! I would like to finish documents with the correct spelling and since my keyboard is so horrible that it misses some of the letters I really need you to pick up your game!

Organize or organise I'm really not sure. I know that they are both accepted but what looks better? You seem to treat Z and S as the same letter. I know they look kind of similar to the eye. But you are a computer. You do not have eyes, you read computer language, and most likely the strings of binary for Z and S aren't that similar. And even if they are you should know better.

I don't go to the soo to zee the seebas. Get your act together.

As for the little green squiggly lines under my words. I like that you alert me to my mistakes. But lately when I got to click on it to see what you suggest to me the green line disappears. What are you doing to me?! I thought my grammar was correct, but then you told me it wasn't. I trusted you man. Then all of a sudden "Just tricking! You were right!" You are really slowing me down and messing with my mind!
Don't worry though I don't blame you too much because I know the real situation...


I hate that guy...

If vampires were in fact real I would most definitely be the first person to be killed.

A few years ago I was a Buffy fan. Angel with a soul very dreamy.
Now it's all about twilight. Edward with a conscience also dreamy.

I have read the books and seen the movies. Once each. I'm not a hater nor am I a "twi-hard" who is obsessed with every little thing about the books/ movies/ actors etc.
I think Robert Patinson (or however you spell it) is hideous. But if you do give the books a chance it is really just a love story about a dreamy character in Edward. It's a bit of fun, escape from reality. I'm 20, the character is 17. Not too bad to get slightly lost in a fantasy.
These 40-50 year old mothers are another story though! Jacob taking his shirt off and you gasp and woo. He could literally be your son. Pedos.

Anyway I am not hear to argue for or against twilight and there are numerous places where you can go vent your spleen if you feel the need. All I will say is diamonds ARE a girls best friend. Also has anyone else picked up on the overuse of the word "glowered" in the books? Bit odd if everyone in that town walks around with a glower on their face. In my mind this is a glower:


If vampires really did exist I would definitely be the first to go. I am constantly getting bitten by mosquito's and fleas when my pets get them. Thankfully I do not live in a country where malaria is a threat as I would have meant my demise many years ago. I can sit outside with a bunch of friends and I will be the only one who gets bitten. And bitten over and over again ending the night with up to 20 bites on one leg.
So you can see my worry if vampires come to fruition. I am clearly delicious. If Bella is appealing to Edward, and I am appealing to mosquito's I must be exponentially more appealing to vampires!

I also have a heart problem. My resting heart rate is 100bpm it should be about 60bpm. This isn't because I am obese or unfit it is just a heart problem. I choose to look at it in the positive.
The way I see it, your heart beats 60 times. Your heart is lazy, sitting on the couch with chip and chocolate wrappers scattered on the floor.


My heart is on the treadmill running 24/7.


Whose better off really?

The pounding of my heart would probably act as some kind of tracker for vampires to lead them to the best tasting blood around.

I also blush really easily, in case the vampire was deaf they would be able to clearly see who had the best blood from my red checks from having an attractive guy walk past.

Luckily vampires probably don't exist. I just have to worry about mosquito's if I ever go to a third world country... and leeches...

My Spidy Senses Are Tingling

I HATE Spiders.
Oh you to?
Yeah NOT AS MUCH AS ME!

If a spider makes itself seen to me that is a capital offence and it is the death penalty for sure! No catching it in a glass jar and taking it outside. It has smelt my fear and will come back to me in my sleep with all of its little spider friends and my ghost will just let them in to my room and they will lay spider eggs in my brain and I will die. Probably.

I'm not this hateful to all creatures. If a moth is in my house I don't freak out and scream. It's a moth. It's not scary! It flies majestically like a butterfly and doesn't scurry like a spider. I will catch a Moth and let it outside. By most girls I know standards I'm pretty unafraid of bugs. If there is a cockroach I'm usually the one that will take it out. I also move snails off busy paths so they don't get crushed. See I am a nice person...But spiders is where I fall apart. Why? Horror Stories.

First off I live in Australia. I don't live in the outback but I don't like knowing that my country has at least 12 deadly species of spiders (I stoped reading the website after I realized that the spiders moved and even that made me jump)

Horror Story 1:
When Jamie* was young Jamie reached up into an outdoor Bird Feeder to put some seed in. Jamies hand touched the surface and found that this was no ordinary bird feeder it was in fact a spiders nest in disguise (see how sneaky they are! This is why they should be killed). Said spiders then decided to run down Jamies arms! Loads of them! And this is just here say but I wouldn't be surprised if they were bird eating spiders (oh yeah we have those and they are GIANT. I mean they eat birds!)





Horror Story 2:
Sandy* was playing with a spider (seriously who plays with a spider? Jackass) and obviously the spider was getting pretty annoyed (I know I was!). All of a sudden the spider gets up on its back legs in attack position, it was wearing freaking boxing gloves. Sandy backs off but the spider moves TOWARDS Sandy. What played out next was like a horror movie. The spider followed Sandy and was running so fast. Then we lost track of the spider and it appeared on the kitchen table. I of course was standing in the corner on a chair. Eventually the spider met its much deserved death.


Horror Story 3:
I was lying under the Christmas Tree one year like they did in the Baby Sitters Club Christmas Movie (don't judge me). When I thought to myself: What is this strange glittery moving decoration?
I'll tell you what it was. A spider web. With hundreds of spiders moving along it that had just hatched from the nest that was bought in with the tree. I screamed "HUNDREDS OF SPIDERS" and immediate emergency aide was running in prepared for war.
Last year we had a fake- spider free- tree.

Horror Story 4:
I don't usually turn on the light when I have to get up to go to the bathroom in the night. So I was walking down the hallway and suddenly I stopped. I looked down and there was a spider that definitely looked poisonous right next to my foot. I was so close to standing on it, getting bitten and dying (and I would die. Charlie* got bitten by a spider and had to have all these tablets and I am a retard who cannot swallow tablets so I actually would have died. They need more medicine in syrup form! Kids in 3rd world countries need that because the dirty drinking water to swallow tablets will just make them sicker and I need it to! Someone should really word on that!)

Horror Story 5:
I have dark hair. For a while I had it dyed blond. (It looked good ok! I'm very pale and have blue eyes so you couldn't tell it wasn't natural!) I put a shower cap on, had my shower. I put on undies and took the shower cap off. I saw a spider in the cap. I freaked out and ran out of the room (yes in undies) and screamed "IS THERE A SPIDER IN MY HAIR?"...
"no"...
"ARE YOU SURE. IT WAS A BLACK SPIDER AND MY HAIR IS DARK LOOK CLOSER!!"...
"Your hair is blond... and there's nothing in it"...
"oh yeah..."

I have now developed a spidy sense. I know where they are. Today at work I was typing away and all of a sudden my brain went into defence mode look up.
I did. There is a spider on the roof exactly where I looked up at. I just know! (7th sense I'd say. I'll tell you about my 6th in another post soon)

If no one is home I ask randoms to kill spiders for me. I'll take a chance at getting rapped rather than having a spider in my immediate vicinity. I mean he was an old Irish man walking down the street, and I'm pretty sure I could have taken him if he had of tried to attack me. I was more likely to be able to fend him off than the spider.


My front door always has spiders there are I constantly check before going in at night. Many times I have found huge spiders, and I wish posting this at home so that I could show you just how big- I have a photo somewhere.
I diligently check every night when I arrive because I'd rather know it was there and jump the fence and go in the back door, than be fumbling with my keys and have a spider fall on me! Luckily usually I'm with Cameron and if there is a spider it is dealt with and I once again have access to my front door.
I get really excited when it rains (which isn't often enough) because that means the spider that builds a web every night between my house and the Foxtel Cable will get drowned out and die.

Last Saturday for the first time EVER I did not inspect the door for spiders. I'll admit we had been drinking and it was dark. We just wanted to get inside, eat some greasy left over pizza to soak up some of the alcohol and stumble into bed.
So I began to pull open the door. Something moved. My brain told me I'm pretty sure metal should not move independently on its own
And my brain was right. It shouldn't.
I didn't.
There was a spider in the corner of the door frame so when I opened the door it moved. I slammed the door shut and freaked out.
Me: "WHY DID YOU LET ME OPEN IT? THIS IS WHY I CHECK SEE WHAT HAPPENS???"


I saw this:











Cameron: "Calm down, just open the door"
He saw this:











By this time I was back out in the drive way.
Me: "You open it"
I threw my keys at him and he opened the door. I made him hold it open for me on spider watching duty while I ran inside.
Cameron had lost track of the spider. I was not impressed. WHAT IF IT WAS ON ME?
So of course the only logical thing to do was to drunkenly take off all my clothes because obviously that's where the spider was hiding. I threw them in a pile in the hall, tossed out my hair and ran away.
In the morning there was no sign of the spider, on the door or in the clothes. I made the right move.

Tell me your spider horror stories but not to much detail I can already feel them crawling on me from writing this much.... I'm off to lunch and I'm going out the deliveries entrance of work so I don't have to pass under the spider!



*All names have been replaced in accordance with this post

Follow on

I got very excited today because I have my first follower! Now I am writing to someone not just to myself- I am no longer insane!

My followers name is Elliot, which I assume is a male. However Elliot from scrubs is a woman. This got me thinking about an ongoing debate between Cameron and I.
Cameron is a girls name. Not exclusively, but it can be as well. Don't believe me? Obviously the most common Cameron is Cameron Diaz, but how about this Cameron. It's even a recognised name in baby books It's even in the top 10 UNISEX names in America.

I recently sold some text books on Cameron's account since I'm not at uni anymore. Some people didn't want to meet on campus so I decided to go to those ones myself and save Cameron the trouble. I answered the phone when people were calling "Cameron" and no one seemed surprised that I was a girl (and I assure you that my voice does not sound like a man). When I met up with people to exchange books that I had only texted they were not surprised that I was a girl (and I assure you even more that I do not look like a man at all). I have also managed to convince people that my name is Cameron. No one even questions me, although I guess it would be pretty embarrassing to second guess people...



The only time someone questioned me about this is when I said my name was Cameron, then the real Cameron showed up a bit later...



So I think from now on I will only use coed names in my posts just to confuse you more.
Look forward to be reading stories about:
-Jamie
-Sandy
-Shaun (Yes, I actually know a chick called Shaun, not ShaunA)
-Sam
-Jessie
-Lindsay
-Charlie
-Cameron
-Elliot
-Jordan
-Riley
-Avery
-Alexis
etc

FYI Coed is a name! I figured this out when googling "coed baby names". What a strange, strange name.

PS.
Sorry my drawings are crap. I'm really horrible at drawing I'll try get better. Seriously though people abuse me in isketch. But really I'm an awesome drawer and they are just crap at understanding me! A dog and a marijuana leaf. How do you not get Snoop Dog?

I'm not crazy but...

My house IS haunted.

Not ghosts trying to trap and kill you haunted. Not take over your body and make your head spin 360 degrees haunted. And not even write in blood on the wall "Seven kinds of Wonderful aren't enough" but still haunted.
I promise you that I am not crazy.
Let's look at the evidence shall we?

1) My guitar plays itself. PLAYS ITSELF!! Now it's not like its a magic guitar because I didn't buy it by trading in a cow. But none the less strings pluck just to annoy me. It's not a little tune been played in full swing but just the plucking of one string over and over for then silence. The ghost jut wants to piss me off.

2) The heater turns down. We have ducted heating that to turn down 1 degrees (and I'm talking Celsius here) you have to push a button twice. It's even a hard button to push. I had the heater on around 23 and after a while notice I was getting really, really cold. I walked to the thermostat to check it out and it had been turned down to 10 degrees that's 26 pushes! No one else was home and I have no idea how this happened

3) The cat can see it. When home alone the cat will be sitting with me, because I need the protection of something that weights 3kg, and all of a sudden her ears go back. She follows something that I cannot see around the room with her eyes while her fur stands up and she hides further into me. Something has scared her that I cannot see! Proof enough for me!

4) Funny things happen with the remote. I push play on the TV and walk to the other side of the room to pick up something and the TV pauses itself. I go back, push play and put the remote down, turn around and it's missing. Spend 5 minutes searching for it then decide to go to the toilet. Walk back in the room and it's back but I definitely searched there and it wasn't there a minute ago!

5) Funny things happen with the lights. I leave the room and the lamp is off. I walk back out into the hall turn around and see that the lamp is on. I know for certain that I did not turn that lamp on!

6) He leaves clues. This is the freakiest of all. The other day I walked into the lounge room, there was nothing on the floor. I sat on the couch and browsed the Internet for maybe an hour. Didn't notice anything weird. When I got up to leave the room I noticed something on the floor. It was a library card with a name I had never seen on it before. No one had been in the room to drop it, no one knew this person, and really we are not the kind of people to mug someone for their library card. But it just appeared. A few days later, same spot on the floor, a photo appears of some guy I never seen before. This of course lead to fights with Him (The boyfriend not God)
Him: "Who is this??"
Me: "It's just a photo I found, I think it's the ghost giving me clues."
Him: "That is insane! This house is NOT haunted and you are crazy" He then storms out
Me: *whispering* "That's not true. Don't listen to Him. I believe in you, please don't do anything crazy"
Him: "Are you talking to the ghost??"

I'm really not crazy, but tell me what all these signs point to? But I guess if the worst thing in my life is a ghost who tries to keep me awake, make me save energy and get cold , and stop watching too much tv i guess that's good enough for me.

Flashing Red Light

Oh flashing red light in the ceiling of the bathroom cubical what are you?

At first I thought you were maybe a motion sensor so I stood really still in front of you but you kept blinking.
Then I thought maybe you were a motion sensor but not operating properly so I jumped around like crazy in front of you while I pulled my pants back up. You continued to blink.

Then I heard a noise and remembered that there was a maintenance man crawling around in the celling. Can you see me from the vents in the ceiling? Or have you not been working at all and just in fact installing a camera to spy on me in the bathroom?? Really? What is wrong with you?

Some advice to people installing cameras in women's restrooms.

1) Peeing (and that is all that occurs because women don't have to do anything else like poop or bleed) is not sexy. It won't sound like yours because its coming from a different faucet and you will be confused at to what the sound is and just thinking we are pouring some kind of liquid into the bowl.

2) Wiping is not sexy. Yes that's right we don't just let it drip dry like you.

3) Washing our hands is not sexy- another thing that women do that men don't

4) Sitting down generally means you will only get a view of skin. Then when we stand back up you will get a view of nothing. You will not be able to see anything that's actually erotic just skin. You are obviously very confused as to women's anatomy.

5) Any other sounds you hear will obviously be the toilet seat creaking and not us (yes we sit) but still not very sexy noises.

Perhaps try installing a camera in a women's locker room because obviously we all shower naked together and lather each other up with soap...

Fridge Cupboard?

Hi all (and by all I mean nobody because I have no followers as yet so I feel stupid writing this to myself but if I never write anything I'll never get any followers and have to write a post but then feel silly about writing a post to no one and find myself in an infinite loop- so I have just sucked it up and am writing to nobody/ future follows)
Perhaps more fittingly:
Hello people of the future/ later today when I get followers (fingers crossed)

I have decided to start a blog and throw myself out onto the interwebs joining an already crowded industry, but why not. Even if I get no followers (which hopefully I can do and maybe make some money from advertising) I'm at least filling my days.
See I have a scholarship-god knows how I assure you, as you will find out, that I am not super smart. They may have graded the wrong persons examination and award it to me so I thank the dyslexic** exam marker who obviously messed up the student ID in their head. Anyway so I have a scholarship which means I have to do a year worth of UNPAID industry placement. So if I can get some money from advertising that would make living slightly easier as opposed to having to work 40 hours weeks and then on weekend for money. A blog is clearly a better option than selling myself on street corners and far safer.
Said internship is also incredibly boring and lacking actual work. So I spend most of my days on stumble upon and have come across this awesome blog
here. It has entertained me for days and I thought why not? I can do that! And now it means that sounds from my desk are typing not just laughter and they may think I'm doing actual work.

So why Fridge Cupboard you ask? Well I started to google "What should I Call" when I was bombarded with "Dog, Kitten, Baby, Puppy, baby quiz, fish, car, blog". Then I decided ah fridge cupboard it! So hence the name.
Still confused?
Well I grew up with a pretty strict mother who was against swearing. But bad things happen and you want to swear. So I'd hit myself on something and say "fffff" then catch mothers deathly stage and one day came out with "fridge cupboard!" It's kind of stuck.
Also if you google Fridge Cupboard you will find some quite feisty debates about where typical household items belong. I've had this Tomato Sauce argument many a times. Fridge or cupboard?

So hopefully my first post didn't suck too much, but even if it did please stick around because it can only get better!
-La*.


*La? What the hell kind of name is la? Well I'll tell you. I may on occasion say things about people (people I know I'm not just going to slander celebrities and randoms) that could offend them so I'm going by La. Although I guess that may be a give away to the people who know me anyway!
Also I was wondering how many names actually end in La or if straight away you'll guess my name. And no it's not Abdulla.
**And no offence to anyone out their who is dyslexic, I have a lot of trouble with words too so you'll have to excuse my spelling mistakes at times- it's really not my fault! But you'll be pleased that I have no capatcha's on my comments sections. I do this because whenever I have to fill out one I constantly get it wrong and am continually trying to type the letters I see in the box, which quite often it seems are not that actual letters in the box. I'm sure that these will soon be out ruled and become PC if enough people complain. So please don't flood my comments with spam when I am just been nice to our dyslexic counterparts.