Things my mother has taught me pt 1.

I do not get along with my mother. At all. I know it's Mothers Day and I should be thanking her for life, raising me, looking after me etc etc. I'm grateful for that stuff. But if my mother was someone my age she would be my arch nemesis. We just do not get along. And you probably will feel the same after you read things she has taught me.

I do not accept any responsibility for the views and opinions I am about to post as they are NOT mine at all.

If there is no proof of something, it must exist
My mother is a Christian. Fine. Believe what you want. But she has been forcing it on me for 20 years so I now just fight back with logic.
"Hey Mum, I'm pregnant but Cameron and I didn't have sex it's just magic"
"Hey Mum, They couldn't find proof that an ether existed so obviously it does!"
"Hey Mum, if Jesus really could perform miracles why was he such an ass and only cured ONE blind man?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam had no mother did he have a belly button?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam was created by God doesn't that mean God IS a women? Or in the very least gay men CAN have children?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam and Eve had kids and they populated the world. That's like incest. If that why people are so retarded and believe in the story?"
"Hey Mum, if Noah's Arc was real, what happened to all of the salt water animals? The flood would have been fresh water and i doubt he had the forethought of building an aquarium and an arc. Surely they could not have evolved, since that doesn't exist, after 'the flood'"?

You're not skinny enough...yet
I was a chubby kid. I started loosing weight in year 5 but was still a little bit big. I remember wanted to wear a top to a school dance and mum's words were "You're not skinny enough...yet".
If you want to give your child an eating disorder this is the sentence to tell them. That they aren't skinny enough YET. Meaning that they will and must in fact get skinny enough.

You're too skinny
Pretty much after that comment in year 5 I stopped eating. I only ate the smallest amount of dinner and that was my daily food. I came up with awesome strategies for skipping food, getting through the day and making it look like I had eaten, but I'm not writing them here because I am not a pro-anorexic blog.
So the weight fell off. I was sickly skinny. Straight up and down skin and bones.
Now my mother told me that I was too skinny, that I was hideous, that no man would ever want me.
That's nice. You told me I was too fat. So I lost weight. Then you told me how ugly I looked. That's going to promote healthy body image.
After a while I started to eat and gained some weight and became healthy. I was still flat chested but I was looked good. I was skinny but not too skinny anymore.
Mum then started to tell me that I needed to get boobs. (What from a store?) I was happy with my body (for the first time in years) and said that. Apparently my opinion that I was happy with what I had was wrong; "No, you want boobs. You'll look better."

Boobs don't suit you, you need to loose weight
I hit puberty at 19 when I went onto the pill. I think that this was because previously my body had no hormones and then it fell in love with them and realized it could produce them itself it went on a bender for 2 years.
I gained a lot of weight. I got boobs.
Then Mum would tell me that "boobs don't suit you, it just looks so weird, you need to loose weight."
This woman is the worst mother ever! What kind of mother tells a CHILD they are fat, then when they loose weight that they are too skinny and ugly, then when they gain it that they are too fat again! What the fuck does she want?!
I eventually told her that I was on hormone treatment and that's why I got fat. That I can't do anything about it because no matter how much I have been exercising and healthy I haven't been able to loose it. She shut up about telling me every day how fat I was.
I think I should point out that I was 10kg under weight. Then when I weighed 60kg (I'm tall) she told me I was too skinny. Now that I have gained weight from the hormones (which I went off on Saturday so I should loose the weight) she tells me that I should weigh 60kg!
Also my other sister who weights FAR MORE than that has never been told to loose weight because she has always been fat. That's ok if you are always fat but apparently its a crime to be skinny and then get fat!

So, do you see why I don't get along with a crazy catholic, confidence eating women??
More to come