Word is pissing me off!

Dear spelling and grammar check,
I like you most of the time. Although sometimes you fail to do your job.
I am writing in English and I happen to be in Australia which means that words like coloUr and favoUrite need to have a U in them. I have set you to English(Australia) but you seem to forget about this all convert back to American all the time. And sometimes just to piss me off you turn to French for no good reason! I would like to finish documents with the correct spelling and since my keyboard is so horrible that it misses some of the letters I really need you to pick up your game!

Organize or organise I'm really not sure. I know that they are both accepted but what looks better? You seem to treat Z and S as the same letter. I know they look kind of similar to the eye. But you are a computer. You do not have eyes, you read computer language, and most likely the strings of binary for Z and S aren't that similar. And even if they are you should know better.

I don't go to the soo to zee the seebas. Get your act together.

As for the little green squiggly lines under my words. I like that you alert me to my mistakes. But lately when I got to click on it to see what you suggest to me the green line disappears. What are you doing to me?! I thought my grammar was correct, but then you told me it wasn't. I trusted you man. Then all of a sudden "Just tricking! You were right!" You are really slowing me down and messing with my mind!
Don't worry though I don't blame you too much because I know the real situation...


I hate that guy...

If vampires were in fact real I would most definitely be the first person to be killed.

A few years ago I was a Buffy fan. Angel with a soul very dreamy.
Now it's all about twilight. Edward with a conscience also dreamy.

I have read the books and seen the movies. Once each. I'm not a hater nor am I a "twi-hard" who is obsessed with every little thing about the books/ movies/ actors etc.
I think Robert Patinson (or however you spell it) is hideous. But if you do give the books a chance it is really just a love story about a dreamy character in Edward. It's a bit of fun, escape from reality. I'm 20, the character is 17. Not too bad to get slightly lost in a fantasy.
These 40-50 year old mothers are another story though! Jacob taking his shirt off and you gasp and woo. He could literally be your son. Pedos.

Anyway I am not hear to argue for or against twilight and there are numerous places where you can go vent your spleen if you feel the need. All I will say is diamonds ARE a girls best friend. Also has anyone else picked up on the overuse of the word "glowered" in the books? Bit odd if everyone in that town walks around with a glower on their face. In my mind this is a glower:


If vampires really did exist I would definitely be the first to go. I am constantly getting bitten by mosquito's and fleas when my pets get them. Thankfully I do not live in a country where malaria is a threat as I would have meant my demise many years ago. I can sit outside with a bunch of friends and I will be the only one who gets bitten. And bitten over and over again ending the night with up to 20 bites on one leg.
So you can see my worry if vampires come to fruition. I am clearly delicious. If Bella is appealing to Edward, and I am appealing to mosquito's I must be exponentially more appealing to vampires!

I also have a heart problem. My resting heart rate is 100bpm it should be about 60bpm. This isn't because I am obese or unfit it is just a heart problem. I choose to look at it in the positive.
The way I see it, your heart beats 60 times. Your heart is lazy, sitting on the couch with chip and chocolate wrappers scattered on the floor.


My heart is on the treadmill running 24/7.


Whose better off really?

The pounding of my heart would probably act as some kind of tracker for vampires to lead them to the best tasting blood around.

I also blush really easily, in case the vampire was deaf they would be able to clearly see who had the best blood from my red checks from having an attractive guy walk past.

Luckily vampires probably don't exist. I just have to worry about mosquito's if I ever go to a third world country... and leeches...

My Spidy Senses Are Tingling

I HATE Spiders.
Oh you to?
Yeah NOT AS MUCH AS ME!

If a spider makes itself seen to me that is a capital offence and it is the death penalty for sure! No catching it in a glass jar and taking it outside. It has smelt my fear and will come back to me in my sleep with all of its little spider friends and my ghost will just let them in to my room and they will lay spider eggs in my brain and I will die. Probably.

I'm not this hateful to all creatures. If a moth is in my house I don't freak out and scream. It's a moth. It's not scary! It flies majestically like a butterfly and doesn't scurry like a spider. I will catch a Moth and let it outside. By most girls I know standards I'm pretty unafraid of bugs. If there is a cockroach I'm usually the one that will take it out. I also move snails off busy paths so they don't get crushed. See I am a nice person...But spiders is where I fall apart. Why? Horror Stories.

First off I live in Australia. I don't live in the outback but I don't like knowing that my country has at least 12 deadly species of spiders (I stoped reading the website after I realized that the spiders moved and even that made me jump)

Horror Story 1:
When Jamie* was young Jamie reached up into an outdoor Bird Feeder to put some seed in. Jamies hand touched the surface and found that this was no ordinary bird feeder it was in fact a spiders nest in disguise (see how sneaky they are! This is why they should be killed). Said spiders then decided to run down Jamies arms! Loads of them! And this is just here say but I wouldn't be surprised if they were bird eating spiders (oh yeah we have those and they are GIANT. I mean they eat birds!)





Horror Story 2:
Sandy* was playing with a spider (seriously who plays with a spider? Jackass) and obviously the spider was getting pretty annoyed (I know I was!). All of a sudden the spider gets up on its back legs in attack position, it was wearing freaking boxing gloves. Sandy backs off but the spider moves TOWARDS Sandy. What played out next was like a horror movie. The spider followed Sandy and was running so fast. Then we lost track of the spider and it appeared on the kitchen table. I of course was standing in the corner on a chair. Eventually the spider met its much deserved death.


Horror Story 3:
I was lying under the Christmas Tree one year like they did in the Baby Sitters Club Christmas Movie (don't judge me). When I thought to myself: What is this strange glittery moving decoration?
I'll tell you what it was. A spider web. With hundreds of spiders moving along it that had just hatched from the nest that was bought in with the tree. I screamed "HUNDREDS OF SPIDERS" and immediate emergency aide was running in prepared for war.
Last year we had a fake- spider free- tree.

Horror Story 4:
I don't usually turn on the light when I have to get up to go to the bathroom in the night. So I was walking down the hallway and suddenly I stopped. I looked down and there was a spider that definitely looked poisonous right next to my foot. I was so close to standing on it, getting bitten and dying (and I would die. Charlie* got bitten by a spider and had to have all these tablets and I am a retard who cannot swallow tablets so I actually would have died. They need more medicine in syrup form! Kids in 3rd world countries need that because the dirty drinking water to swallow tablets will just make them sicker and I need it to! Someone should really word on that!)

Horror Story 5:
I have dark hair. For a while I had it dyed blond. (It looked good ok! I'm very pale and have blue eyes so you couldn't tell it wasn't natural!) I put a shower cap on, had my shower. I put on undies and took the shower cap off. I saw a spider in the cap. I freaked out and ran out of the room (yes in undies) and screamed "IS THERE A SPIDER IN MY HAIR?"...
"no"...
"ARE YOU SURE. IT WAS A BLACK SPIDER AND MY HAIR IS DARK LOOK CLOSER!!"...
"Your hair is blond... and there's nothing in it"...
"oh yeah..."

I have now developed a spidy sense. I know where they are. Today at work I was typing away and all of a sudden my brain went into defence mode look up.
I did. There is a spider on the roof exactly where I looked up at. I just know! (7th sense I'd say. I'll tell you about my 6th in another post soon)

If no one is home I ask randoms to kill spiders for me. I'll take a chance at getting rapped rather than having a spider in my immediate vicinity. I mean he was an old Irish man walking down the street, and I'm pretty sure I could have taken him if he had of tried to attack me. I was more likely to be able to fend him off than the spider.


My front door always has spiders there are I constantly check before going in at night. Many times I have found huge spiders, and I wish posting this at home so that I could show you just how big- I have a photo somewhere.
I diligently check every night when I arrive because I'd rather know it was there and jump the fence and go in the back door, than be fumbling with my keys and have a spider fall on me! Luckily usually I'm with Cameron and if there is a spider it is dealt with and I once again have access to my front door.
I get really excited when it rains (which isn't often enough) because that means the spider that builds a web every night between my house and the Foxtel Cable will get drowned out and die.

Last Saturday for the first time EVER I did not inspect the door for spiders. I'll admit we had been drinking and it was dark. We just wanted to get inside, eat some greasy left over pizza to soak up some of the alcohol and stumble into bed.
So I began to pull open the door. Something moved. My brain told me I'm pretty sure metal should not move independently on its own
And my brain was right. It shouldn't.
I didn't.
There was a spider in the corner of the door frame so when I opened the door it moved. I slammed the door shut and freaked out.
Me: "WHY DID YOU LET ME OPEN IT? THIS IS WHY I CHECK SEE WHAT HAPPENS???"


I saw this:











Cameron: "Calm down, just open the door"
He saw this:











By this time I was back out in the drive way.
Me: "You open it"
I threw my keys at him and he opened the door. I made him hold it open for me on spider watching duty while I ran inside.
Cameron had lost track of the spider. I was not impressed. WHAT IF IT WAS ON ME?
So of course the only logical thing to do was to drunkenly take off all my clothes because obviously that's where the spider was hiding. I threw them in a pile in the hall, tossed out my hair and ran away.
In the morning there was no sign of the spider, on the door or in the clothes. I made the right move.

Tell me your spider horror stories but not to much detail I can already feel them crawling on me from writing this much.... I'm off to lunch and I'm going out the deliveries entrance of work so I don't have to pass under the spider!



*All names have been replaced in accordance with this post

Follow on

I got very excited today because I have my first follower! Now I am writing to someone not just to myself- I am no longer insane!

My followers name is Elliot, which I assume is a male. However Elliot from scrubs is a woman. This got me thinking about an ongoing debate between Cameron and I.
Cameron is a girls name. Not exclusively, but it can be as well. Don't believe me? Obviously the most common Cameron is Cameron Diaz, but how about this Cameron. It's even a recognised name in baby books It's even in the top 10 UNISEX names in America.

I recently sold some text books on Cameron's account since I'm not at uni anymore. Some people didn't want to meet on campus so I decided to go to those ones myself and save Cameron the trouble. I answered the phone when people were calling "Cameron" and no one seemed surprised that I was a girl (and I assure you that my voice does not sound like a man). When I met up with people to exchange books that I had only texted they were not surprised that I was a girl (and I assure you even more that I do not look like a man at all). I have also managed to convince people that my name is Cameron. No one even questions me, although I guess it would be pretty embarrassing to second guess people...



The only time someone questioned me about this is when I said my name was Cameron, then the real Cameron showed up a bit later...



So I think from now on I will only use coed names in my posts just to confuse you more.
Look forward to be reading stories about:
-Jamie
-Sandy
-Shaun (Yes, I actually know a chick called Shaun, not ShaunA)
-Sam
-Jessie
-Lindsay
-Charlie
-Cameron
-Elliot
-Jordan
-Riley
-Avery
-Alexis
etc

FYI Coed is a name! I figured this out when googling "coed baby names". What a strange, strange name.

PS.
Sorry my drawings are crap. I'm really horrible at drawing I'll try get better. Seriously though people abuse me in isketch. But really I'm an awesome drawer and they are just crap at understanding me! A dog and a marijuana leaf. How do you not get Snoop Dog?

I'm not crazy but...

My house IS haunted.

Not ghosts trying to trap and kill you haunted. Not take over your body and make your head spin 360 degrees haunted. And not even write in blood on the wall "Seven kinds of Wonderful aren't enough" but still haunted.
I promise you that I am not crazy.
Let's look at the evidence shall we?

1) My guitar plays itself. PLAYS ITSELF!! Now it's not like its a magic guitar because I didn't buy it by trading in a cow. But none the less strings pluck just to annoy me. It's not a little tune been played in full swing but just the plucking of one string over and over for then silence. The ghost jut wants to piss me off.

2) The heater turns down. We have ducted heating that to turn down 1 degrees (and I'm talking Celsius here) you have to push a button twice. It's even a hard button to push. I had the heater on around 23 and after a while notice I was getting really, really cold. I walked to the thermostat to check it out and it had been turned down to 10 degrees that's 26 pushes! No one else was home and I have no idea how this happened

3) The cat can see it. When home alone the cat will be sitting with me, because I need the protection of something that weights 3kg, and all of a sudden her ears go back. She follows something that I cannot see around the room with her eyes while her fur stands up and she hides further into me. Something has scared her that I cannot see! Proof enough for me!

4) Funny things happen with the remote. I push play on the TV and walk to the other side of the room to pick up something and the TV pauses itself. I go back, push play and put the remote down, turn around and it's missing. Spend 5 minutes searching for it then decide to go to the toilet. Walk back in the room and it's back but I definitely searched there and it wasn't there a minute ago!

5) Funny things happen with the lights. I leave the room and the lamp is off. I walk back out into the hall turn around and see that the lamp is on. I know for certain that I did not turn that lamp on!

6) He leaves clues. This is the freakiest of all. The other day I walked into the lounge room, there was nothing on the floor. I sat on the couch and browsed the Internet for maybe an hour. Didn't notice anything weird. When I got up to leave the room I noticed something on the floor. It was a library card with a name I had never seen on it before. No one had been in the room to drop it, no one knew this person, and really we are not the kind of people to mug someone for their library card. But it just appeared. A few days later, same spot on the floor, a photo appears of some guy I never seen before. This of course lead to fights with Him (The boyfriend not God)
Him: "Who is this??"
Me: "It's just a photo I found, I think it's the ghost giving me clues."
Him: "That is insane! This house is NOT haunted and you are crazy" He then storms out
Me: *whispering* "That's not true. Don't listen to Him. I believe in you, please don't do anything crazy"
Him: "Are you talking to the ghost??"

I'm really not crazy, but tell me what all these signs point to? But I guess if the worst thing in my life is a ghost who tries to keep me awake, make me save energy and get cold , and stop watching too much tv i guess that's good enough for me.

Flashing Red Light

Oh flashing red light in the ceiling of the bathroom cubical what are you?

At first I thought you were maybe a motion sensor so I stood really still in front of you but you kept blinking.
Then I thought maybe you were a motion sensor but not operating properly so I jumped around like crazy in front of you while I pulled my pants back up. You continued to blink.

Then I heard a noise and remembered that there was a maintenance man crawling around in the celling. Can you see me from the vents in the ceiling? Or have you not been working at all and just in fact installing a camera to spy on me in the bathroom?? Really? What is wrong with you?

Some advice to people installing cameras in women's restrooms.

1) Peeing (and that is all that occurs because women don't have to do anything else like poop or bleed) is not sexy. It won't sound like yours because its coming from a different faucet and you will be confused at to what the sound is and just thinking we are pouring some kind of liquid into the bowl.

2) Wiping is not sexy. Yes that's right we don't just let it drip dry like you.

3) Washing our hands is not sexy- another thing that women do that men don't

4) Sitting down generally means you will only get a view of skin. Then when we stand back up you will get a view of nothing. You will not be able to see anything that's actually erotic just skin. You are obviously very confused as to women's anatomy.

5) Any other sounds you hear will obviously be the toilet seat creaking and not us (yes we sit) but still not very sexy noises.

Perhaps try installing a camera in a women's locker room because obviously we all shower naked together and lather each other up with soap...

Fridge Cupboard?

Hi all (and by all I mean nobody because I have no followers as yet so I feel stupid writing this to myself but if I never write anything I'll never get any followers and have to write a post but then feel silly about writing a post to no one and find myself in an infinite loop- so I have just sucked it up and am writing to nobody/ future follows)
Perhaps more fittingly:
Hello people of the future/ later today when I get followers (fingers crossed)

I have decided to start a blog and throw myself out onto the interwebs joining an already crowded industry, but why not. Even if I get no followers (which hopefully I can do and maybe make some money from advertising) I'm at least filling my days.
See I have a scholarship-god knows how I assure you, as you will find out, that I am not super smart. They may have graded the wrong persons examination and award it to me so I thank the dyslexic** exam marker who obviously messed up the student ID in their head. Anyway so I have a scholarship which means I have to do a year worth of UNPAID industry placement. So if I can get some money from advertising that would make living slightly easier as opposed to having to work 40 hours weeks and then on weekend for money. A blog is clearly a better option than selling myself on street corners and far safer.
Said internship is also incredibly boring and lacking actual work. So I spend most of my days on stumble upon and have come across this awesome blog
here. It has entertained me for days and I thought why not? I can do that! And now it means that sounds from my desk are typing not just laughter and they may think I'm doing actual work.

So why Fridge Cupboard you ask? Well I started to google "What should I Call" when I was bombarded with "Dog, Kitten, Baby, Puppy, baby quiz, fish, car, blog". Then I decided ah fridge cupboard it! So hence the name.
Still confused?
Well I grew up with a pretty strict mother who was against swearing. But bad things happen and you want to swear. So I'd hit myself on something and say "fffff" then catch mothers deathly stage and one day came out with "fridge cupboard!" It's kind of stuck.
Also if you google Fridge Cupboard you will find some quite feisty debates about where typical household items belong. I've had this Tomato Sauce argument many a times. Fridge or cupboard?

So hopefully my first post didn't suck too much, but even if it did please stick around because it can only get better!
-La*.


*La? What the hell kind of name is la? Well I'll tell you. I may on occasion say things about people (people I know I'm not just going to slander celebrities and randoms) that could offend them so I'm going by La. Although I guess that may be a give away to the people who know me anyway!
Also I was wondering how many names actually end in La or if straight away you'll guess my name. And no it's not Abdulla.
**And no offence to anyone out their who is dyslexic, I have a lot of trouble with words too so you'll have to excuse my spelling mistakes at times- it's really not my fault! But you'll be pleased that I have no capatcha's on my comments sections. I do this because whenever I have to fill out one I constantly get it wrong and am continually trying to type the letters I see in the box, which quite often it seems are not that actual letters in the box. I'm sure that these will soon be out ruled and become PC if enough people complain. So please don't flood my comments with spam when I am just been nice to our dyslexic counterparts.