Is anyone else allergic to exercise? You probably don't think that it's possible but I'm pretty sure that my body is allergic to exercise and will do almost anything to get out of it.
I mean my body not me. It's not like I'm been too lazy and just sitting on the couch going oh well allergic to exercise, pass more turtle burgers
I stopped playing squash because of exams and my body decided Hey I like not having to move and do stuff so then when I decided to try and get back into it my body thought noooooo and sent me the plague or something.
10 blood tests, 15 doctors visits, 1 xray, 1 ultrasound and 1 trip to the neurologist later there is 'nothing' wrong with me other than the fact I have lost a few thousand dollars on medical bills.
At this point (after 7 months) my body must have thought I guess she's learnt her lesson and let me start to get better.
The past week went like this for me:
Monday: Oh I'm feeling better I can get back into exercise. I ran on the treadmill, did some floor work and lots of stretches.
Tuesday: I'm getting a cold. I'll still go on the treadmill but don't do the floor work because I don't want to over do it.
My body thought I'm slowly wearing her down
Wednesday: Run on the treadmill, hardly any stretches because not feeling great.
4am Thursday YOU DIDN'T LEARN YOUR LESSON, WRATH MY FURY
This is where the worst case of gastro EVER occur. I will not give you details are it was so horrific, literally like a scene from a horror movie. Attack of the Spew.
I got over this (kind of.. I'm still not eating proper foods just bland but sustainable things like bread and potatoes) and my body thought Just to be sure... and gave me a cold.
Thank you body.
But you know what Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Treadmill. Thursday, Friday throwing up horribly and not eating, Satday-?(Not sure when, if ever, I will return to my normal eating habits) limited food = weight loss.
Me-1 Body-90579475
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
If I were Elin Woods
Cameron knows that if he ever even thought about cheating on me I would absolutley kill him. I'm talking stabbing him prision style 7 times in the back and then gutting him like a fish and cutting off any appendages that take my fancy.
If he cheated on me I would not even consider taking him back for a second (mainly because he would be disfigured from been stabbed, gutted like a fish and missing appendages that would take my fancy in a relationship).
I especially wouldn't take him back if he slept with 58 other women!
If I was Elin I would have an interesting trophy of my own. One that I would describe to the kids as "Daddy's Rocket Shaped Trophy that he gave to mummy...and 58other women..."
That would take the Wood out of Tiger.
I think if she does decide to stay with him, there is one way to guarentee that we will never cheat on her again.
Move to Dubai.
Even if he does cheat again adultery in Dubai is illegal, meaning she would reap all the rewards of his money while he spent the rest of his life in jail for consecutive sentances. It is also illegal to stare at or touch unknown women so there are so more offenses there. It is illegal to drive with ANY alcohol in your blood so the sentances just keep coming.
Although Elin better watch out too as it is illegal to leave the scene of a traffic accident which probably includes smashing a car with a golf club.
If he cheated on me I would not even consider taking him back for a second (mainly because he would be disfigured from been stabbed, gutted like a fish and missing appendages that would take my fancy in a relationship).
I especially wouldn't take him back if he slept with 58 other women!
If I was Elin I would have an interesting trophy of my own. One that I would describe to the kids as "Daddy's Rocket Shaped Trophy that he gave to mummy...and 58other women..."
That would take the Wood out of Tiger.
I think if she does decide to stay with him, there is one way to guarentee that we will never cheat on her again.
Move to Dubai.
Even if he does cheat again adultery in Dubai is illegal, meaning she would reap all the rewards of his money while he spent the rest of his life in jail for consecutive sentances. It is also illegal to stare at or touch unknown women so there are so more offenses there. It is illegal to drive with ANY alcohol in your blood so the sentances just keep coming.
Although Elin better watch out too as it is illegal to leave the scene of a traffic accident which probably includes smashing a car with a golf club.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Things my mother has taught me pt 1.
I do not get along with my mother. At all. I know it's Mothers Day and I should be thanking her for life, raising me, looking after me etc etc. I'm grateful for that stuff. But if my mother was someone my age she would be my arch nemesis. We just do not get along. And you probably will feel the same after you read things she has taught me.
I do not accept any responsibility for the views and opinions I am about to post as they are NOT mine at all.
If there is no proof of something, it must exist
My mother is a Christian. Fine. Believe what you want. But she has been forcing it on me for 20 years so I now just fight back with logic.
"Hey Mum, I'm pregnant but Cameron and I didn't have sex it's just magic"
"Hey Mum, They couldn't find proof that an ether existed so obviously it does!"
"Hey Mum, if Jesus really could perform miracles why was he such an ass and only cured ONE blind man?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam had no mother did he have a belly button?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam was created by God doesn't that mean God IS a women? Or in the very least gay men CAN have children?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam and Eve had kids and they populated the world. That's like incest. If that why people are so retarded and believe in the story?"
"Hey Mum, if Noah's Arc was real, what happened to all of the salt water animals? The flood would have been fresh water and i doubt he had the forethought of building an aquarium and an arc. Surely they could not have evolved, since that doesn't exist, after 'the flood'"?
You're not skinny enough...yet
I was a chubby kid. I started loosing weight in year 5 but was still a little bit big. I remember wanted to wear a top to a school dance and mum's words were "You're not skinny enough...yet".
If you want to give your child an eating disorder this is the sentence to tell them. That they aren't skinny enough YET. Meaning that they will and must in fact get skinny enough.
You're too skinny
Pretty much after that comment in year 5 I stopped eating. I only ate the smallest amount of dinner and that was my daily food. I came up with awesome strategies for skipping food, getting through the day and making it look like I had eaten, but I'm not writing them here because I am not a pro-anorexic blog.
So the weight fell off. I was sickly skinny. Straight up and down skin and bones.
Now my mother told me that I was too skinny, that I was hideous, that no man would ever want me.
That's nice. You told me I was too fat. So I lost weight. Then you told me how ugly I looked. That's going to promote healthy body image.
After a while I started to eat and gained some weight and became healthy. I was still flat chested but I was looked good. I was skinny but not too skinny anymore.
Mum then started to tell me that I needed to get boobs. (What from a store?) I was happy with my body (for the first time in years) and said that. Apparently my opinion that I was happy with what I had was wrong; "No, you want boobs. You'll look better."
Boobs don't suit you, you need to loose weight
I hit puberty at 19 when I went onto the pill. I think that this was because previously my body had no hormones and then it fell in love with them and realized it could produce them itself it went on a bender for 2 years.
I gained a lot of weight. I got boobs.
Then Mum would tell me that "boobs don't suit you, it just looks so weird, you need to loose weight."
This woman is the worst mother ever! What kind of mother tells a CHILD they are fat, then when they loose weight that they are too skinny and ugly, then when they gain it that they are too fat again! What the fuck does she want?!
I eventually told her that I was on hormone treatment and that's why I got fat. That I can't do anything about it because no matter how much I have been exercising and healthy I haven't been able to loose it. She shut up about telling me every day how fat I was.
I think I should point out that I was 10kg under weight. Then when I weighed 60kg (I'm tall) she told me I was too skinny. Now that I have gained weight from the hormones (which I went off on Saturday so I should loose the weight) she tells me that I should weigh 60kg!
Also my other sister who weights FAR MORE than that has never been told to loose weight because she has always been fat. That's ok if you are always fat but apparently its a crime to be skinny and then get fat!
So, do you see why I don't get along with a crazy catholic, confidence eating women??
More to come
I do not accept any responsibility for the views and opinions I am about to post as they are NOT mine at all.
If there is no proof of something, it must exist
My mother is a Christian. Fine. Believe what you want. But she has been forcing it on me for 20 years so I now just fight back with logic.
"Hey Mum, I'm pregnant but Cameron and I didn't have sex it's just magic"
"Hey Mum, They couldn't find proof that an ether existed so obviously it does!"
"Hey Mum, if Jesus really could perform miracles why was he such an ass and only cured ONE blind man?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam had no mother did he have a belly button?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam was created by God doesn't that mean God IS a women? Or in the very least gay men CAN have children?"
"Hey Mum, if Adam and Eve had kids and they populated the world. That's like incest. If that why people are so retarded and believe in the story?"
"Hey Mum, if Noah's Arc was real, what happened to all of the salt water animals? The flood would have been fresh water and i doubt he had the forethought of building an aquarium and an arc. Surely they could not have evolved, since that doesn't exist, after 'the flood'"?
You're not skinny enough...yet
I was a chubby kid. I started loosing weight in year 5 but was still a little bit big. I remember wanted to wear a top to a school dance and mum's words were "You're not skinny enough...yet".
If you want to give your child an eating disorder this is the sentence to tell them. That they aren't skinny enough YET. Meaning that they will and must in fact get skinny enough.
You're too skinny
Pretty much after that comment in year 5 I stopped eating. I only ate the smallest amount of dinner and that was my daily food. I came up with awesome strategies for skipping food, getting through the day and making it look like I had eaten, but I'm not writing them here because I am not a pro-anorexic blog.
So the weight fell off. I was sickly skinny. Straight up and down skin and bones.
Now my mother told me that I was too skinny, that I was hideous, that no man would ever want me.
That's nice. You told me I was too fat. So I lost weight. Then you told me how ugly I looked. That's going to promote healthy body image.
After a while I started to eat and gained some weight and became healthy. I was still flat chested but I was looked good. I was skinny but not too skinny anymore.
Mum then started to tell me that I needed to get boobs. (What from a store?) I was happy with my body (for the first time in years) and said that. Apparently my opinion that I was happy with what I had was wrong; "No, you want boobs. You'll look better."
Boobs don't suit you, you need to loose weight
I hit puberty at 19 when I went onto the pill. I think that this was because previously my body had no hormones and then it fell in love with them and realized it could produce them itself it went on a bender for 2 years.
I gained a lot of weight. I got boobs.
Then Mum would tell me that "boobs don't suit you, it just looks so weird, you need to loose weight."
This woman is the worst mother ever! What kind of mother tells a CHILD they are fat, then when they loose weight that they are too skinny and ugly, then when they gain it that they are too fat again! What the fuck does she want?!
I eventually told her that I was on hormone treatment and that's why I got fat. That I can't do anything about it because no matter how much I have been exercising and healthy I haven't been able to loose it. She shut up about telling me every day how fat I was.
I think I should point out that I was 10kg under weight. Then when I weighed 60kg (I'm tall) she told me I was too skinny. Now that I have gained weight from the hormones (which I went off on Saturday so I should loose the weight) she tells me that I should weigh 60kg!
Also my other sister who weights FAR MORE than that has never been told to loose weight because she has always been fat. That's ok if you are always fat but apparently its a crime to be skinny and then get fat!
So, do you see why I don't get along with a crazy catholic, confidence eating women??
More to come
Monday, May 3, 2010
When is a body in a boot not suspicious
First off just to specify boot= trunk...
I don't live in a great area. Madly saving to move closer to the city so even if there's still some messed up people are around there is police presence to assist you! Seriously my suburb doesn't have a police station and it really, really needs one.
A body was found in a boot the other day in front of the grey hound track... and police are "Treating as suspicious". I can pretty much assure you that it defiantly IS suspicious.
No one ever thinks "Maybe I'll just lock myself in the boot for some fun"
No one in the history of the universe is that dumb.
I don't live in a great area. Madly saving to move closer to the city so even if there's still some messed up people are around there is police presence to assist you! Seriously my suburb doesn't have a police station and it really, really needs one.
A body was found in a boot the other day in front of the grey hound track... and police are "Treating as suspicious". I can pretty much assure you that it defiantly IS suspicious.
No one ever thinks "Maybe I'll just lock myself in the boot for some fun"
No one in the history of the universe is that dumb.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)