I am not religious in case you hadn't noticed. Not religious at all.
The other day I was so incredibly bored and out of things to do that I decided to become a dudeist priest. I can now precede over your wedding, funeral or any other special ceremony. I'm not really into the whole marriage thing, but like Barney Stinson, I do like the idea what when I ask a question you think to answer "I do". Let's see if this absolute power corrupts.
This got me thinking that a bored person and the Internet is a dangerous combination.
Massive amounts of information is at our finger tips and I can find out a hell of a lot without much effort. From pro anorexic sites to how to build a bomb, everything is readily available to us.
I suppose the world should be thankful that all I can do is marry people. If anyone has any task/ ideas of how to fill my time that would be great, I will almost do anything at this point...otherwise the next step is bomb building.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Accidental Innuendo
"That's what he said". If you've ever utter the previous sentence to something seemingly nonsexual you may have been accused of having a one track mine
Sometimes it's harder than you think to be dirty and line up a good sexual innuendo line. Like the Todd from Scrubs it would involved hiding behind a wall waiting for something to be said.
Over the weekend we had a federal election. In Australia it is the law to vote and there needs to be a majority winner. This has been the closest election in decades and there is no clear majority so smaller parties are in negotiations to join other parties to form a majority government. At the moment we have no clear winner and have a hung parliament. Since the election was too close to call they were recounting some of the electorates. One of these that were in doubt was Boner.
Sometimes you might not have a one track mind or be waiting in suspense but the universe leaves you no choice but to see it that way.
Sometimes it's harder than you think to be dirty and line up a good sexual innuendo line. Like the Todd from Scrubs it would involved hiding behind a wall waiting for something to be said.
Over the weekend we had a federal election. In Australia it is the law to vote and there needs to be a majority winner. This has been the closest election in decades and there is no clear majority so smaller parties are in negotiations to join other parties to form a majority government. At the moment we have no clear winner and have a hung parliament. Since the election was too close to call they were recounting some of the electorates. One of these that were in doubt was Boner.
Sometimes you might not have a one track mind or be waiting in suspense but the universe leaves you no choice but to see it that way.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I am alive
I haven't updated this for ages and ages because I've been super busy but I am actually still alive.
How sad is it though that you may have a 'friend' on a social networking site or follow someones writings and you wouldn't even know that they have died?
That's a bit morbid.
But I am in a morbid mood today.
For the past few months (about when I stopped posting) I've been dealing with a women-child. You know those people who are meant to be grown ups, should have their lives together but don't. So they come and live with mummy and daddy. Lean on them for financial and emotional support and just basically take them for granted?
One of these has invaded my house!
The women-child is worse than the man child. The women child becomes exponentially desperate at the increasingly loud tick of her biological clock.
*tick* So I haven't been in a relationship for 12 years there's still hope...
*tock* I'll try speed dating
*tick* hmm still no dates...
*tock* 2007 is my year to find a man! I'll try internet dating
*tick* hmmm STILL no dates...
*tock* I'm so scared of ending up alone and childless
Living with this kind of person is probably a lot like hell. Especially when not only are they bossing everyone else around and bleeding senior citizen parents dry but searching for a job because they are inapt at all aspects of life.
Qualities that do not look good on a resume:
-Taking 10 years to finish a 4 year course; clearly you failed a lot of subjects and are not a hard worker.
-Having no experience for the jobs you are going for.
-Having lots of different jobs because you can't hold one down.
-Large gaps of time between said jobs.
-Horrible references because you are a cry baby, hypochondriac who calls in sick all the time, even in your second week on the job.
This said person is actually a psychologist. No one wants to see a psychologist who clearly does not have their own life together!
Obviously you're not very good at your job when you tell someone who actually has a lower BMI than yourself (oh yes, she's fat too, I wonder why she can't find a man?) that they are obese and need to loose weight.
Did I mention that this "obese" person used to starve themselves for years and was 10kg underweight? Common sense would dictate do no call someone who had an eating disorder obese and yell at them telling them how fat they are. Common sense says do not call someone who is skinnier than you obese because what are you saying about yourself? You think a psychologist of all people would understand this. Obviously this is why she couldn't find a job she's worse at it than some random off the street.
Hopefully she was soon wake up and move out of mummy and daddy's and live a nice life, alone with her 1 remaining egg.
How sad is it though that you may have a 'friend' on a social networking site or follow someones writings and you wouldn't even know that they have died?
That's a bit morbid.
But I am in a morbid mood today.
For the past few months (about when I stopped posting) I've been dealing with a women-child. You know those people who are meant to be grown ups, should have their lives together but don't. So they come and live with mummy and daddy. Lean on them for financial and emotional support and just basically take them for granted?
One of these has invaded my house!
The women-child is worse than the man child. The women child becomes exponentially desperate at the increasingly loud tick of her biological clock.
*tick* So I haven't been in a relationship for 12 years there's still hope...
*tock* I'll try speed dating
*tick* hmm still no dates...
*tock* 2007 is my year to find a man! I'll try internet dating
*tick* hmmm STILL no dates...
*tock* I'm so scared of ending up alone and childless
Living with this kind of person is probably a lot like hell. Especially when not only are they bossing everyone else around and bleeding senior citizen parents dry but searching for a job because they are inapt at all aspects of life.
Qualities that do not look good on a resume:
-Taking 10 years to finish a 4 year course; clearly you failed a lot of subjects and are not a hard worker.
-Having no experience for the jobs you are going for.
-Having lots of different jobs because you can't hold one down.
-Large gaps of time between said jobs.
-Horrible references because you are a cry baby, hypochondriac who calls in sick all the time, even in your second week on the job.
This said person is actually a psychologist. No one wants to see a psychologist who clearly does not have their own life together!
Obviously you're not very good at your job when you tell someone who actually has a lower BMI than yourself (oh yes, she's fat too, I wonder why she can't find a man?) that they are obese and need to loose weight.
Did I mention that this "obese" person used to starve themselves for years and was 10kg underweight? Common sense would dictate do no call someone who had an eating disorder obese and yell at them telling them how fat they are. Common sense says do not call someone who is skinnier than you obese because what are you saying about yourself? You think a psychologist of all people would understand this. Obviously this is why she couldn't find a job she's worse at it than some random off the street.
Hopefully she was soon wake up and move out of mummy and daddy's and live a nice life, alone with her 1 remaining egg.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)